Today, the staff at the high school where I teach met to discuss strategies for online learning.
And then we packed up everything we needed from our classrooms. I boxed up all of the plants I keep on the windowsill, grabbed all of the ungraded papers, took copies of books I hope to teach later this year. I put down the blinds, unplugged the electronics, turned off the lights, and left.
I headed home, where I will be camped out for the next six weeks.
Governor Inslee has closed all K-12 schools in Washington State until April 14, returning on the 27th. This is a reasonable response to the global pandemic; we need to practice social distancing in order to keep this disease from ravaging fragile groups. It is the right thing to do.
But leaving the classroom felt lonely. I can not predict the future, but I do not know when the end is in sight(and I fear that it will be much later than the end of April). I had barely adjusted to the idea of two weeks off in the middle of the school year when two weeks became six weeks, and I do not trust that things will go back to normal in six weeks: I can barely see a few days ahead with the fast pace of things. Things are happening fast and furious: restaurants are closing, sports have shut down, theaters are closing. THE LIBRARY is closed. The library! Community centers, farmer's markets, sports centers, and all kinds of businesses have closed.
Two weeks ago, I stocked up on a few extra bags of groceries and felt ridiculous for doing so. It doesn't seem ridiculous now, except that it seems really inadequate. Now stores are selling out their wares, and toilet paper is impossible to find; the only thing harder to find is hand sanitizer.
Which leads back to today, and turning off the lights in my classroom, and being very unsure of when I would be able to return with my students. It felt lonely. I thought of every kid who has confided their troubles to me, and how school can be a place to get support, to feel connected to community, and I worried for those kids. I thought of my wonderful colleagues, and how their intelligence and kindness and humor keeps me going on my bad days. I thought of the rhythm of my days, and how strange it will be to run that rhythm from inside my home all the time.
I thought about being at home with my daughter, alone, while the world outside shuts down. It felt lonely, sad, and surprisingly frightening.
***
I am one of the lucky ones. I know that.
I have that fridge full of food, and a pantry overflowing.
I have my warm house, filled with things like extra blankets and music and candles and books and board games and a TV with Netflix and Hulu.
I have an office to work in.
I have a funny dog who demands attention and exercise.
I have good health (hallelujah: after the cancer years, I do not take this for granted).
I have a 17 year old who is the light in my life: she's pretty self sufficient, helpful, and while she can be surly with the best of them, generally she's just an awesome person and fun to be around.
I have a continuing contract (the equivalent, I think, would be tenure) in a district that takes good care of me, and has excellent resources. My job is unlikely to disappear even in a global pandemic.
I know how lucky I am. But today, just this afternoon, I'm letting myself feel sad anyway, because these are sad times. People are going to die in numbers I can't quite imagine. People are going to lose their homes, their jobs, their food security. People who are living close to the edge will fall off; others will inch closer to the cliff's edge. This has barely started - remember, two weeks ago I looked like a fool for buying so much food - and yet it is happening left and right already.
This weekend, I'll set up my office to be ready as my new classroom. I'll move the plants from my classroom in, I'll tidy my papers, and I'll sit in the cozy chair in the corner grading, planning, and emailing.
It will be okay for me. I'll call my friends, send lots of texts back and forth. I'll go for long walks along the ocean. I'll see if I can lose even more weight (15 down, 15 to go!). I'll do yoga. I'll read for fun. Tessa and I will play board games. I'll watch Netflix and Hulu. I'll cook, and do house projects.
But not today.
Today, the weeks stretch out in front of me in a long question filled with fear and danger. Today, I'm sad, worrying about the state of my world and my students and how on earth I will be a good teacher through that computer screen.
Tomorrow is a new day.
Friday, March 13, 2020
Thursday, March 12, 2020
In the heart of a pandemic
The world around me is changing so fast that I can barely catch up.
Two weeks ago, I stocked up on supplies for something that seemed a million miles away from me. The world was going on like it always does - work, chores, exercise, friends, homework, sunsets. The news is always bad, and the shrieks of "coronavirus! coronavirus!" made last week seem worse, but it still seemed like some far off thing.
A week ago, I had coronavirus symptoms and made call after call to get checked out, to no avail. It seemed a LOT more personal and real then. But then I got better, and, under my doctor's orders, I returned to week (72 hours after fever subsided).
And then on Wednesday, we got an announcement that my daughter's district was shutting down for "at least" two weeks. Next, an announcement at my school's staff meeting that we too were shutting down.
Today, the students came to school to get instructions about the plans, to turn in missing work, to have one last day before "vacation." And then, towards the end of the school day, the rumors started flying, soon confirmed, that Governor Jay Inslee of Washington State had closed all K-12 schools until April 24th.
When the kids were told that they had two weeks off, there were audible cheers. When we told them they wouldn't be back until almost the beginning of May, they were stunned and quiet.
This feels more real than when I got sick.
My daughter and I are home together, wondering what this will be like. I've read articles about social distancing - what does it REALLY mean? Does it mean we stay in our house, just the two of us, leaving only for groceries and dog walks? Or can we have visits with one or two friends?
In the midst of this, the news keeps happening. Courthouses closing; trials delayed due to lack of jurors, Restaurants of some acclaim - like those owned by Tom Douglass - closing until this passes because of lack of business. Libraries and community centers closing due to the risks of infection. We are being begged not to go to the ER because hospitals will be over capacity. My local Trader Joe's was cleaned out (I read it in the Seattle Times; I didn't go there today).
The toilet paper memes don't seem so funny at the moment. How long are we going to be down and out? What will happen to the employees of so many businesses that have been sent home? What will happen to the local small businesses with no employees, no customers? The news is filled with information about homeless shelters, evictions, children who won't have access to school breakfast and lunch the way they usually do. (Seattle Schools has set up 25 sites for those free meals. I wonder how the children will get there. My district across the lake has set up 2 sites. Is it enough?)
Those who were down on their luck are much more so now.
The para-educators and not certificated staff in my building are paid hourly. With school closed, their future is uncertain. What will they do?
If this goes long term, will my paychecks remain regular? I have a contract, but what are the rules for this kind of natural disaster?
Reykdal (the superintendent of OSPI, the governing body of all schools) made comments that this could go into fall. Fall? Really?
A couple of weeks ago, I saw this as enough of a possibility to go grocery shopping and get more than usual, but I felt silly doing so. I've eaten some of it since then, and replenished some of it.
Now I'm wondering if I bought enough.
***
Light moments (because there are always light moments, even in darkness):
My daughter required me to purchase back-up brownie mix. Because in an emergency, we must have brownie access!
I'm kind of excited at the idea of getting regular outdoor exercise during daylight hours. It seems like this is a good time to build new habits, and now that I've lost 15 pounds on Weight Watchers but I'm not sick, I'm more than ready. The dog is ecstatic at this idea.
I'm going to catch up on my grading at last!
***
There are pockets of light, but no joke, this is scary and feels unreasonable and uncontrolled and unsteady and unacceptable.
And I'm one of the lucky ones, in my warm and safe home, surrounded by friends in the neighborhood, with my health, my secure job, my pantry overstocked with food. If I'm scared, I know that others are quaking.
Be healthy, everyone. Be well. I send my love. We'll get through this, even when it's rocky. Somehow!
Two weeks ago, I stocked up on supplies for something that seemed a million miles away from me. The world was going on like it always does - work, chores, exercise, friends, homework, sunsets. The news is always bad, and the shrieks of "coronavirus! coronavirus!" made last week seem worse, but it still seemed like some far off thing.
A week ago, I had coronavirus symptoms and made call after call to get checked out, to no avail. It seemed a LOT more personal and real then. But then I got better, and, under my doctor's orders, I returned to week (72 hours after fever subsided).
And then on Wednesday, we got an announcement that my daughter's district was shutting down for "at least" two weeks. Next, an announcement at my school's staff meeting that we too were shutting down.
Today, the students came to school to get instructions about the plans, to turn in missing work, to have one last day before "vacation." And then, towards the end of the school day, the rumors started flying, soon confirmed, that Governor Jay Inslee of Washington State had closed all K-12 schools until April 24th.
When the kids were told that they had two weeks off, there were audible cheers. When we told them they wouldn't be back until almost the beginning of May, they were stunned and quiet.
This feels more real than when I got sick.
My daughter and I are home together, wondering what this will be like. I've read articles about social distancing - what does it REALLY mean? Does it mean we stay in our house, just the two of us, leaving only for groceries and dog walks? Or can we have visits with one or two friends?
In the midst of this, the news keeps happening. Courthouses closing; trials delayed due to lack of jurors, Restaurants of some acclaim - like those owned by Tom Douglass - closing until this passes because of lack of business. Libraries and community centers closing due to the risks of infection. We are being begged not to go to the ER because hospitals will be over capacity. My local Trader Joe's was cleaned out (I read it in the Seattle Times; I didn't go there today).
The toilet paper memes don't seem so funny at the moment. How long are we going to be down and out? What will happen to the employees of so many businesses that have been sent home? What will happen to the local small businesses with no employees, no customers? The news is filled with information about homeless shelters, evictions, children who won't have access to school breakfast and lunch the way they usually do. (Seattle Schools has set up 25 sites for those free meals. I wonder how the children will get there. My district across the lake has set up 2 sites. Is it enough?)
Those who were down on their luck are much more so now.
The para-educators and not certificated staff in my building are paid hourly. With school closed, their future is uncertain. What will they do?
If this goes long term, will my paychecks remain regular? I have a contract, but what are the rules for this kind of natural disaster?
Reykdal (the superintendent of OSPI, the governing body of all schools) made comments that this could go into fall. Fall? Really?
A couple of weeks ago, I saw this as enough of a possibility to go grocery shopping and get more than usual, but I felt silly doing so. I've eaten some of it since then, and replenished some of it.
Now I'm wondering if I bought enough.
***
Light moments (because there are always light moments, even in darkness):
My daughter required me to purchase back-up brownie mix. Because in an emergency, we must have brownie access!
I'm kind of excited at the idea of getting regular outdoor exercise during daylight hours. It seems like this is a good time to build new habits, and now that I've lost 15 pounds on Weight Watchers but I'm not sick, I'm more than ready. The dog is ecstatic at this idea.
I'm going to catch up on my grading at last!
***
There are pockets of light, but no joke, this is scary and feels unreasonable and uncontrolled and unsteady and unacceptable.
And I'm one of the lucky ones, in my warm and safe home, surrounded by friends in the neighborhood, with my health, my secure job, my pantry overstocked with food. If I'm scared, I know that others are quaking.
Be healthy, everyone. Be well. I send my love. We'll get through this, even when it's rocky. Somehow!
Sunday, March 8, 2020
Ghosts of my grandfather's Nazi past
Today I read this article:
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/05/us/friedrich-karl-berger-nazi-concentration-camp.html?searchResultPosition=1
"The Justice Department said the man, Friedrich Karl Berger, 94, was an armed guard in a subcamp of the Neuengamme concentration camp, where prisoners were held during the winter of 1945 and forced to work outdoors “to the point of exhaustion and death.”
My grandfather, born in 1921, was an armed guard in a subcamp of he Neuengamme concentration camp, Bremen Farge. I wrote about it in my post Telling, telling the story of how I found out my grandfather's past by writing to the German authorities and getting his military records.
So, this man in Tennessee shares a great deal in common with my grandfather, except my grandfather died without his story coming to light, I think in 2000, when I was 30 or 31 and he was 79.
Had somebody known during his lifetime, would police have showed up at my grandparents home, arrested my grandfather, put his name in the paper, deported him to cries of "shame, shame"? How would my family have responded? I think I know: they would have defended him, said "he was just a young man" and "how dare they go after him, it wasn't his fault."
This is where we differ.
My daughter is 17 years old. As a teen, there are certain mistakes I expect her to make. (Shh, don't tell her: I want her to know that I hold her to a high standard!) I don't expect her to be perfect. But I know this, and so does she: she'd better do the right thing when it really matters.
My daughter knows the difference between right and wrong. She knows I expect her to speak up when she sees injustice. I believe, deep in my bones, that she knows, deeply, what the difference between injustice and justice is, and that she understands her obligation to the world to speak up when necessary. If she didn't, I'd be heartbroken and angry and think that I'd raised her wrong and missed some important lessons. (I'm not worried about this one - she gets it, believes it.)
The young men who go to war are responsible for themselves, and my grandfather was young, but not that young, when he put on the Kriegsmarine uniform. He must have seen starving bodies, and understood their hunger. He must have watched their deaths through overwork, and known that he bore the weight of those deaths.
And nobody ever showed up at his house with a warrant. His name was not in the newspaper. He lived until old age.
Today I'm imagining his ghost.
I suspect, like old Marley in the Dickens' tale, once you're a ghost you can't escape your life anymore. I saw hints of my grandfather's ghost as he was dying, and he retreated into a world of fear, of the trauma of his choices.
I'm imagining his ghost looking at the shame of the 94 year old Nazi, and sharing that shame. It could have been him.
There is no justice in the story of my grandfather. I do not understand it. But today, I feel his ghost, and the incredible tragedy of my grandfather's story. He committed crimes, he hurt people, and he tried to escape, but instead I think he lived in a way where he carried the rot of it inside of him until the day he died.
I wonder how things would have been different if he'd been caught. Could he have tried for redemption? Would he have confessed, or denied? Would he have tried to atone? Would it have changed our family?
I will never know.
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/05/us/friedrich-karl-berger-nazi-concentration-camp.html?searchResultPosition=1
"The Justice Department said the man, Friedrich Karl Berger, 94, was an armed guard in a subcamp of the Neuengamme concentration camp, where prisoners were held during the winter of 1945 and forced to work outdoors “to the point of exhaustion and death.”
My grandfather, born in 1921, was an armed guard in a subcamp of he Neuengamme concentration camp, Bremen Farge. I wrote about it in my post Telling, telling the story of how I found out my grandfather's past by writing to the German authorities and getting his military records.
So, this man in Tennessee shares a great deal in common with my grandfather, except my grandfather died without his story coming to light, I think in 2000, when I was 30 or 31 and he was 79.
Had somebody known during his lifetime, would police have showed up at my grandparents home, arrested my grandfather, put his name in the paper, deported him to cries of "shame, shame"? How would my family have responded? I think I know: they would have defended him, said "he was just a young man" and "how dare they go after him, it wasn't his fault."
This is where we differ.
My daughter is 17 years old. As a teen, there are certain mistakes I expect her to make. (Shh, don't tell her: I want her to know that I hold her to a high standard!) I don't expect her to be perfect. But I know this, and so does she: she'd better do the right thing when it really matters.
My daughter knows the difference between right and wrong. She knows I expect her to speak up when she sees injustice. I believe, deep in my bones, that she knows, deeply, what the difference between injustice and justice is, and that she understands her obligation to the world to speak up when necessary. If she didn't, I'd be heartbroken and angry and think that I'd raised her wrong and missed some important lessons. (I'm not worried about this one - she gets it, believes it.)
The young men who go to war are responsible for themselves, and my grandfather was young, but not that young, when he put on the Kriegsmarine uniform. He must have seen starving bodies, and understood their hunger. He must have watched their deaths through overwork, and known that he bore the weight of those deaths.
And nobody ever showed up at his house with a warrant. His name was not in the newspaper. He lived until old age.
Today I'm imagining his ghost.
I suspect, like old Marley in the Dickens' tale, once you're a ghost you can't escape your life anymore. I saw hints of my grandfather's ghost as he was dying, and he retreated into a world of fear, of the trauma of his choices.
I'm imagining his ghost looking at the shame of the 94 year old Nazi, and sharing that shame. It could have been him.
There is no justice in the story of my grandfather. I do not understand it. But today, I feel his ghost, and the incredible tragedy of my grandfather's story. He committed crimes, he hurt people, and he tried to escape, but instead I think he lived in a way where he carried the rot of it inside of him until the day he died.
I wonder how things would have been different if he'd been caught. Could he have tried for redemption? Would he have confessed, or denied? Would he have tried to atone? Would it have changed our family?
I will never know.
Back to Work
Tomorrow I'm going back to work.
But things are NOT normal.
I still have a cough, and I am nowhere near up to speed. However, it's been 72 hours since my fever subsided. I've spent the weekend resting, watching Hulu (my new "thing" is The Resident - I'm completely sucked in), catching up on laundry and housework, and getting really tired from these simple tasks. I haven't been outside since Wednesday, except to stand on my back deck with my coffee. The dog is NOT pleased with me - he is desperate for exercise. Tessa has walked him, but there have been no five mile loops through Lincoln Park, and not a single trip to the dog park.
But the real thing is that there is so much uncertainty in the air in Seattle and environs with the coronavirus craze.
Will school close?
Will large gatherings be shut down? All of them, or just some?
Which businesses will close next?
Which small businesses will make it if they lose business?
Will I get sick? How sick?
Can our public health system save us?
Will we be the next Wuhan, or Lombardy?
How long is this going to last?
I, of course, have no idea. I'm on this ride with everyone else, with no more information than anyone else, except my experiences of the past week where I feel that the public health system utterly let me down. Do I have coronavirus? Am I contagious? I HAVE NO IDEA, and it's not for lack of trying.
Tomorrow I go back to work. I plan to take it easy, to check out books to students that will get them through the end of the year so that if we're working from home they have the supplies they need. I teach at a school where all students are given laptops, and I understand that the district is granting WiFi hotspots to students without internet access at home, so in theory we will be able to do equitable distance education with the use of Microsoft Teams, OneNote, email, and so on. I get training on Wednesday - along with the rest of the staff - about how to do that. (I'm not bad with technology, but I'd be lying if I told you that I've ever taught five classes a day from HOME.) We're getting ready.
I'm tidying up my office so that if my students are getting video of me in that office I won't be embarrassed. (Hey kids - check out those degrees hanging on the wall. I'm PROUD of them! That stack of filing...not so much.)
I'm reading the news obsessively, trying to understand what is happening and how I should best respond. I'm trying to predict the future: will I be teaching remotely for the rest of the year? Will school continue as normal for the rest of the year? Or will it be something in between?
Will I be alone in my house with my teenager, dog, and cat (we do love each other, but oh lordie we are going to get on each others' nerves if that happens) - and if so, for how long?
I stocked up on all that food. Will it seem like I bought way too much, or not enough?
Nobody knows. And now that I'm healthier, I'm going to go back out in to the world, and see for myself what's happening, and await instruction from OSPI, my principal, the governor, and whomever else is in charge of my destiny at the moment.
Whatever happens, I think we're in for a wild week. Hold on to your hats, folks!
***
One more little rant before I leave here. Some of the things people are saying in the media are DRIVING ME CRAZY. This Opinion piece in the NYT today:
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/08/opinion/coronavirus-altruism.html?action=click&module=Opinion&pgtype=Homepage
It is neither altruistic nor panicking to be ready for this stupid outbreak. Everyone - the Red Cross, the NYT (in another article), and so on suggests having at least a 30 day supply of meds on hand, and extra food.
https://www.nytimes.com/article/prepare-for-coronavirus.html#link-62bb1371
https://www.redcross.org/about-us/news-and-events/news/2020/coronavirus-safety-and-readiness-tips-for-you.html
https://www.webmd.com/lung/news/20200228/preparing-for-coronavirus-dos-and-donts
When I was at the pharmacy a week ago - picking up a 90 day supply - the lineup was filled with people coughing, sneezing, and sniffling, and there were additional people sitting waiting to see the urgent care doctor with misery in their eyes. It isn't a lineup I'd like to frequent: it looked like the best place in Seattle to pick up an illness. I'm pretty pleased that I won't have to get back in that lineup for three months, when hopefully this thing has calmed down.
Here's the other thing: if you get coronavirus, I don't want to run into you when I'm healthy and out and about. So, get extra supplies, go home, and wait this thing out. No, you don't need a pallet of hand sanitizer (in my opinion, you don't need ANY hand sanitizer at home, because you should be washing with soap and water instead - hand sanitizer is best when there is no soap and water available), but you're going to need food. You're going to want to wash your hair, wipe your bum, and feed your pets. And if you're sick, I want you to stay home. If I'm sick, I plan to stay home. That's how we can take care of one another.
So: yes, be altruistic. Check on your neighbors. Offer to go shopping for your elderly neighbors to help them stock up. Stay home when you're sick. Wash your hands a lot. (I'm washing my hands so much that I'm getting dry skin. Maybe add hand lotion to your shopping list?!)
But get ready, and be smart about it.
Also - it's clear that the person who wrote that article didn't live in Seattle, where new cases are popping up all over the place, and where they have only tested a small percentage of sick folks.
It's clear that the person who wrote that wasn't thinking about how it feels to live in Milan these days.
Rant over.
But things are NOT normal.
I still have a cough, and I am nowhere near up to speed. However, it's been 72 hours since my fever subsided. I've spent the weekend resting, watching Hulu (my new "thing" is The Resident - I'm completely sucked in), catching up on laundry and housework, and getting really tired from these simple tasks. I haven't been outside since Wednesday, except to stand on my back deck with my coffee. The dog is NOT pleased with me - he is desperate for exercise. Tessa has walked him, but there have been no five mile loops through Lincoln Park, and not a single trip to the dog park.
But the real thing is that there is so much uncertainty in the air in Seattle and environs with the coronavirus craze.
Will school close?
Will large gatherings be shut down? All of them, or just some?
Which businesses will close next?
Which small businesses will make it if they lose business?
Will I get sick? How sick?
Can our public health system save us?
Will we be the next Wuhan, or Lombardy?
How long is this going to last?
I, of course, have no idea. I'm on this ride with everyone else, with no more information than anyone else, except my experiences of the past week where I feel that the public health system utterly let me down. Do I have coronavirus? Am I contagious? I HAVE NO IDEA, and it's not for lack of trying.
Tomorrow I go back to work. I plan to take it easy, to check out books to students that will get them through the end of the year so that if we're working from home they have the supplies they need. I teach at a school where all students are given laptops, and I understand that the district is granting WiFi hotspots to students without internet access at home, so in theory we will be able to do equitable distance education with the use of Microsoft Teams, OneNote, email, and so on. I get training on Wednesday - along with the rest of the staff - about how to do that. (I'm not bad with technology, but I'd be lying if I told you that I've ever taught five classes a day from HOME.) We're getting ready.
I'm tidying up my office so that if my students are getting video of me in that office I won't be embarrassed. (Hey kids - check out those degrees hanging on the wall. I'm PROUD of them! That stack of filing...not so much.)
I'm reading the news obsessively, trying to understand what is happening and how I should best respond. I'm trying to predict the future: will I be teaching remotely for the rest of the year? Will school continue as normal for the rest of the year? Or will it be something in between?
Will I be alone in my house with my teenager, dog, and cat (we do love each other, but oh lordie we are going to get on each others' nerves if that happens) - and if so, for how long?
I stocked up on all that food. Will it seem like I bought way too much, or not enough?
Nobody knows. And now that I'm healthier, I'm going to go back out in to the world, and see for myself what's happening, and await instruction from OSPI, my principal, the governor, and whomever else is in charge of my destiny at the moment.
Whatever happens, I think we're in for a wild week. Hold on to your hats, folks!
***
One more little rant before I leave here. Some of the things people are saying in the media are DRIVING ME CRAZY. This Opinion piece in the NYT today:
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/08/opinion/coronavirus-altruism.html?action=click&module=Opinion&pgtype=Homepage
It is neither altruistic nor panicking to be ready for this stupid outbreak. Everyone - the Red Cross, the NYT (in another article), and so on suggests having at least a 30 day supply of meds on hand, and extra food.
https://www.nytimes.com/article/prepare-for-coronavirus.html#link-62bb1371
https://www.redcross.org/about-us/news-and-events/news/2020/coronavirus-safety-and-readiness-tips-for-you.html
https://www.webmd.com/lung/news/20200228/preparing-for-coronavirus-dos-and-donts
When I was at the pharmacy a week ago - picking up a 90 day supply - the lineup was filled with people coughing, sneezing, and sniffling, and there were additional people sitting waiting to see the urgent care doctor with misery in their eyes. It isn't a lineup I'd like to frequent: it looked like the best place in Seattle to pick up an illness. I'm pretty pleased that I won't have to get back in that lineup for three months, when hopefully this thing has calmed down.
Here's the other thing: if you get coronavirus, I don't want to run into you when I'm healthy and out and about. So, get extra supplies, go home, and wait this thing out. No, you don't need a pallet of hand sanitizer (in my opinion, you don't need ANY hand sanitizer at home, because you should be washing with soap and water instead - hand sanitizer is best when there is no soap and water available), but you're going to need food. You're going to want to wash your hair, wipe your bum, and feed your pets. And if you're sick, I want you to stay home. If I'm sick, I plan to stay home. That's how we can take care of one another.
So: yes, be altruistic. Check on your neighbors. Offer to go shopping for your elderly neighbors to help them stock up. Stay home when you're sick. Wash your hands a lot. (I'm washing my hands so much that I'm getting dry skin. Maybe add hand lotion to your shopping list?!)
But get ready, and be smart about it.
Also - it's clear that the person who wrote that article didn't live in Seattle, where new cases are popping up all over the place, and where they have only tested a small percentage of sick folks.
It's clear that the person who wrote that wasn't thinking about how it feels to live in Milan these days.
Rant over.
Saturday, March 7, 2020
Self Quarantined...and feeling angry
I just read this article:
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/07/us/politics/trump-coronavirus-messaging.html?action=click&module=Top%20Stories&pgtype=Homepage
Let me be VERY VERY CLEAR.
I asked for a test. I repeated to each medical professional that I am a public school teacher.
I was told by two different medical professionals that I should be tested.
I could not get a test.
I do not appreciate government officials lying to the public in a health crisis.
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/07/us/politics/trump-coronavirus-messaging.html?action=click&module=Top%20Stories&pgtype=Homepage
Let me be VERY VERY CLEAR.
I asked for a test. I repeated to each medical professional that I am a public school teacher.
I was told by two different medical professionals that I should be tested.
I could not get a test.
I do not appreciate government officials lying to the public in a health crisis.
Self Quarantined in Seattle
Well, my Girl Guide* ways have paid off.
Last weekend, with the news of global pandemics and coronavirus and such, I headed to the stores and stocked up on supplies. When I saw my grocery bill I felt slightly ridiculous - how could one mother and teenager eat that much food?! - but I'm not feeling so ridiculous now. Since last weekend the outbreak has spread in Seattle, and I think we're just getting started, because the numbers keep climbing and more businesses and colleges keep closing, and, well, it's a hot mess.
And I've been home with a fever and a cough...so there's that.
So, here I am, with updates from the ground! I thought it might interest my readers to know who are wondering what it's like here, who want tips to prepare, and who want to hear from someone who has been in self quarantine. So: here goes.
My health:
Two weeks ago I got sick with a fever and a cough, and I missed two days of work as a result. However, the fever went away, and I went back to work for a week. I was in touch with my doctor, and since I hadn't been overseas or known anyone diagnosed with coronavirus, I figured I just had a garden variety flu and I would get better and move on. However, this Wednesday afternoon, I was hit with a horrible headache, fatigue, and a fever and cough that came on all at once. I went home, took my temp to confirm things, and thought "uh oh." I am not sure if I had the same thing twice, or two different bugs; the symptoms were the same, but the fever went away, then came back.
This is where it gets sort of funny, if by funny I mean "annoying and concerning and we are in much worse shape than we thought."
By now we know that the COVID-19 is spreading person to person, and that there are people in my area (who live or work very near where I live or work) who have been diagnosed without any of the known risk factors of international travel or contact with a diagnosed person.
This Wednesday evening (3/4) I contacted my doctor - per the CDC guidelines - to tell them about my symptoms and request a visit and a test. They ignored my message. The next day, I called the Regence Insurance nurses' line, and talked to someone there, who said, "You need to see your healthcare provider, and while we cannot diagnose you on the phone there is a concern that your symptoms match the coronavirus symptoms" (which I already knew, because we can't avoid hearing about it on the NPR/newspapers/news outlets everywhere). So, I called my doctor's office to relay this information and the Regence recommendation, and spoke to a receptionist who promised someone would call back. Nobody did.
Until midnight, that is.
At a few minutes past midnight (Thursday morning) my phone rang, and woke me from a sound sleep. It was somebody from the UW Medical coronavirus hotline (I think. I mean, I was sick and sound alseep when she called, and the whole thing was so startling and unexpected in the middle of the night that I'm not sure I was fully coherent!) and she asked me the same questions as the nurse at the Regence line, and gave me the same information in response, and told me that she'd share my info with the CDC. She suggested that someone might even come to my house to test me, and that I'd hear from them that day.
When health authorities are working around the clock and calling patients in the literal middle of the night, you know things are bad.
On Thursday afternoon I got a call from someone associated with my doctor saying that since I was not in a high risk group, they did not have testing resources for me. I was told to stay at home for 72 hours after my fever subsided (self quarantine, which I was already doing). I pointed out that I am a public school teacher and that if I had coronavirus the recommendation was to stay home for 14 days after symptoms subsided and I did not want to jeopardize anyone's health, but if I didn't know if I had coronavirus (this could be flu, or bronchitis, etc.) I wasn't willing to stay home and not get paid (because I'd use more than my sick leave) because "maybe possibly" I had it. I was told "We know, so you can go back to work." I pointed out that I was concerned about this policy, and she sighed and said, "We just don't have the resources to do more." She was clearly concerned, and clearly had no resources to offer me.
I am starting to understand how this thing is spreading so rapidly, based on this experience.
So, folks, this leads me to conclusion number one:
The number of people being reported in the news as diagnosed with coronavirus is grossly underestimated. If I had all of the symptoms (which they agreed match to the coronavirus COVID-19) AND I teach at a public school, but they didn't want to test me, this tells me that there are a LOT of people out there just like me, and that nobody knows what the real numbers are. The midnight-nurse told me that after she spoke to me, she had 60 more phone calls to make to people just like me, and that was just one of the nurses on that line. The folks at the LifeCare facility in Kirkland who are exhibiting symptoms haven't been tested either (Google it - there are a zillion articles, and the Seattle Times is covering this epicenter of the outbreak daily). This tells me that, quite frankly, we are in some very deep doodoo. (Not the technical term, but I'm sure you follow.) If people in an outbreak can't be tested, then the numbers the government publishes about the number of cases is a gross understatement - an negligently duplicitous lie that gives the public false information. I think it's ridiculous and disgusting. You can draw your own conclusions.
Maybe I had it. Maybe I had the flu. The quarantine is different for each, but they're telling me to follow the lesser flu guidelines, despite their concerns that I have coronavirus.
And conclusion number two:
If you live in an area with confirmed cases, as so many of us do, you'd better get ready. In the last week, I've watched the city of Seattle go from buzzing slightly about the possibility of coronavirus in our area to a crazy level of changes. Major companies in the area such as Amazon, Microsoft, and others are telling people to work from home; all the local universities and colleges have switched to online only classes. Small businesses are nearly empty in many cases. Major events are being canceled: fundraisers for non-profits, school sports, and big annual events like ComiCon (100,000 people usually participate in the weekend long event) are all canceled. In Seattle, the changes we've seen in a week are extraordinary, and unprecedented in my experience. It happens very slowly....and then it happens all at once. It is time to get ready, and I recommend that you get ready NOW.
How I'm taking care of myself:
I am fine. I've clearly been sick, and it has felt lousy, but in an ordinary sickness kind of way. I've watched Netflix, napped, flipped through magazines. I've mostly stayed in my bedroom in order to avoid infecting my daughter. I've eaten a ton of satsumas, drunk gallons of tea. I've eaten avocado toast and eggs because they go down easy with little prep work. Mostly, I've lounged around feeling sorry for myself, but not feeling in any real danger despite how horrible I feel. (I look at the death numbers, but console myself with the fact that I am not elderly and do not have underlying health conditions that put me at major risk.) I cough every time I move too much or talk too much. I've obsessively been taking my temperature, which has bounced between 99-101.7 during the illness, with ibuprofen (the only med I've taken). I've been texting with friends and colleagues. My daughter has maintained some distance (smart girl); I'm lucky that she's a teenager and perfectly capable of her own self care in this situation; she's not a toddler who needs me to cater to her every need, and she's capable of cooking and feeding herself (and me sometimes).
How I'm preventing others from getting sick:
I am not leaving the house, because I do not want the guilt of infecting someone whose immune system cannot handle this. My fever subsided yesterday, so I should be able to return to work (72 hours later) on Monday. We are washing towels, dishrags, etc. almost with every use. I switched temporarily from cloth napkins (which I use for environmental reasons) to paper ones which get tossed with every use. I have Lysol wipes and I've been wiping down my computer, phone, and light switches etc. as often as possible (I'm doing so once a day, and Tessa's doing so once a day). I'm self quarantining, and following the advice given daily by the CDC and published in every newspaper.
What about pets?
Well, there was that one case of one dog in Hong Kong testing positive, so the advice is to avoid contact with pets. I explained this to my 60 pound dog Chance, and he looked at me sadly and then jumped on top of me and put his head on my shoulder. When attempted to remove him, he gave me sad eyes and refused. I lifted him off me and spoke to him sternly. I locked him outside my bedroom. He stood outside the door whimpering and barking. This is the first time I broke the CDC recommendations: I let him back in. He sleeps at the foot of my bed, his head resting on my legs, most nights. He has continued this throughout this experience, and I hope I don't regret it, but I could not make him reason with me about it. (Judge me. I can handle it!) If you have a way for pets to understand that they are no longer allowed in the bedroom, please pass along your wisdom, but as for me, I decided that when I had a headache and a fever and a cough and felt like crap, listening to my dog whimper and bark on the other side of my bedroom door for hours was not conducive to my getting better. He's stayed by my side.
So how am I?
I prepped for this last weekend, and I'm SO GLAD that I did. I have everything I need here at home to ride this out. I'm incredibly fortunate to have sick time from my employer, and good health insurance if I need it (although how I would get a doctor's appointment is another question at the moment, because they're so slammed they clearly do not want to see me). Because I was prepared, and because of my good health in general, I'm okay. Self quarantine is boring, but luckily when I feel this bad I don't want to do anything anyway (boring is all I can handle). I really did feel awful and unable to do anything but lounge around, but today I'm feeling a bit better and I even did laundry and showered and wrote this blog post. (On a normal day, that would be a slow day. After being sick, it's an accomplishment and wiped me out.) I'm clearly on the mend.
What you should do:
Well, I assume that you're a grown person who can make up their own mind about how to take care of themselves, but since you're reading this, here's my advice.
Last weekend's shopping trip felt really silly. I spent more money in a week than I usually spend in several weeks of grocery shopping, and I bought so much that it wouldn't fit in my kitchen so I have a couple bags of groceries in the closet of my guest room (my chosen location because we keep the heat turned off in that room when not in use, and because there was space). I'm not feeling ridiculous about that now, because a) I've been using those groceries this week, and b) because I'm not sure when I'm going to be able to go grocery shopping again. I'm also pretty sure that I want to spend as little time as possible in public spaces where everyone is close together and touching things, so having a fully stocked pantry is more than a little helpful! I'm feeling pretty grateful to last-weekend-me, because my experience being stuck at home is much better because of that preparedness.
It's time for you to stock up, too, and to buy more than you think you need.
So here's the stuff I bought:
- My usual fresh supplies for a week (things like broccoli, Brussels sprouts, eggs, cheese, chicken breasts, bananas, milk, etc.)
- Lots of extra pantry supplies, including rice (a five pound bag!), canned tomatoes, canned tuna, pasta (I bought a ton), marinara sauce (5 jars), canned beans, dry beans, lentils, olive oil, nuts, boxes of tomato soup, jars of pesto, dried shitake mushrooms, etc.
- make sure to have lots of spices/herbs/condiments on hand
- Extra meat and frozen veggies to fill the freezer
- Veggies and fruits that store well: potatoes, onions, acorn squash, and lots of citrus, including blood oranges, satsumas, lemons and limes, as well as apples (some of these went into rotation right away, and some of them are in the cool, dark guest room closet awaiting use)
- A little bit of "fun" food - chips and salsa, chocolate
- LOTS of cleaning supplies, including Lysol wipes, cleaning spray, laundry detergent, dish and dishwasher soap. I tried to buy hand sanitizer, but it was sold out everywhere, and since I'm at home it's better to use soap and water anyway.
- Personal items such as shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste, lotion, hand soap (we're going through it at double the rate as usual - partially because every time we blow our noses we wash, and we're just being more careful), toothpaste, etc. I also bought new toothbrushes because when the sickness passes that gross thing is going in the trash ASAP.
- My pharmacy let me pick up a 90 day supply of my prescription; insurance wouldn't let me get that much so I paid out of pocket (and fortunately, it's a very inexpensive prescription). Based on how many sick folks are at the pharmacy, the LAST place a healthy person should go is the pharmacy, so having a supply of my prescription will let me avoid that line of people coughing and sneezing and looking miserable.
- Pet supplies: grab extra bags and cans of food, and don't forget the kitty litter
- Don't forget the toilet paper! Probably the number one thing nobody should ever run out of, ever!
- Coffee and tea. I like milk in my coffee, so I picked up some shelf stable milk as well in case I run out of my fresh milk. (I cannot function without morning coffee. I made sure to have a lot in the cupboard, because after toilet paper this is the thing I most need!)
- Baking supplies (flour, sugar, etc.) in case someone in your house is healthy and enjoys baking - they double as food and entertainment
- Make sure to have ibuprofen, Tylenol, throat lozenges, and a thermometer, because trust me, the doctor is going to want to know if you have a fever. Lots of tissues, too.
- I grabbed a couple of magazines. When I'm really sick I'm bored but don't have the attention span to read full length books.
- But I always have extra books on hand!
My grocery bill was enormous last week - really ridiculous. However, none of this will go to waste; it'll all get eaten eventually. I figure that I bought most of my monthly groceries in one week, but that my monthly bill won't really change. Aside from the shelf stable milk, I didn't purchase anything I wouldn't usually eat.
Other things to do to prepare:
Clean your house. If you get sick, you are going to have NO ENERGY. At one point I got up to have a shower, made it to my bedroom door, then turned around and got back into bed, because having a shower was too hard. Trust me, you are not going to want to run laundry or vacuum if you get sick. So, if you're healthy, change your sheets, get your laundry done, clean the bathrooms. I promise you, if you get sick, you will thank yourself a million times over.
Make some meals to have on hand. Right before I got sick, I made a big pot of chili, and that food sustained us through the week.
Bring home anything you might need from work. I think a LOT of us are going to be working remotely for a while, even those who aren't sick. Don't get caught by surprise.
Don't worry too much. If you don't have underlying health concerns** then this is just a nasty bug: it hits you, you feel bad, then you get better. Because of the way it spreads, it requires self quarantine, but really, it's not worse than other things you've had before like the flu. Stop freaking out. You're going to be okay. However, it's going to be REALLY inconvenient, and it's going to change all of your plans for a while. Prepare to be flexible.
And what's ahead?
Well, I'm not an oracle, but it seems like the writing is on the wall: this thing is going to get worse before it gets better, and it's not ending anytime soon. It has shut down entire cities/regions/countries elsewhere, and it's off and running in Seattle and a few other American cities, and I think it has a while before it runs its course.
I think that all of us should prepare for a longer quarantine, even those of us who aren't sick, because things are happening fast and furious. It's time to get a good stack of books to read, to consider how to exercise without a gym, and to make a plan for life to downshift substantially for a while. When I'm healthy, I hope to take my dog for long walks/runs (but to cross the street if I see another person) and do basement yoga videos. I've been considering researching some online games I can play with my friends (game night, online style) to stay connected. I'm cleaning my office so if I'm teaching remotely on video with my students, I won't be embarrassed by clutter. I have my grading at home so that I can catch up.
And of course my pantry is full, so that when I'm healthy I don't have to go out and hang with unhealthy people. Staying healthy is the goal!
As a teacher, I've been watching the district news from my school and my daughter's school (two districts), and it seems likely that we're all preparing for extended time outside the school building, likely with online learning. I'm lucky: my daughter is pretty self sufficient so if I have to work from home she can handle herself; I'm not sure how parents of younger kids are going to manage this. If you have young kids, I feel for you. You should talk to your employer and your partner (if you're lucky enough to have one) about how to juggle work and kids. If you're an at home parent, I suggest stocking up on art supplies and games, because being stuck inside with active kids is going to be challenging, and having some new activities would be a lifesaver.
I've decided not to go out to eat until this passes. In America, restaurant workers receive notoriously low wages, and are likely to have to work even when they're ill (or they can't pay their rent). I'm not ordering take-out or delivery, and I'm not eating out for a while. I feel awful for small business owners who will suffer because of the impacts of coronavirus on their businesses, but I also think it's incredibly important to protect my health and the health of my daughter. (When this is over, we will be ready to eat out at double our regular rate, I know.)
I think a lot of us are going to be in self-quarantine as cities shut down, and we'll be trying to keep our lives going while staying inside our homes. I've never seen anything like it in my life, but now that I've had this taste of it at the beginning of the outbreak, I'm more grateful than ever that I'd prepared myself.
I'm also grateful that I'm a middle-class person with enough resources to weather this storm. I do not take it for granted, not one bit, that I have the resources that I do. I know I'm one of the lucky ones, despite being sick, despite not being able to get tested. I'm grateful for myself, and angry that our nation doesn't take better care of folks less fortunate than I am. (Maybe another post on that some day soon.)
I'll give more updates at some point, but that's it for today. I hope that wherever you are, you stay healthy, and that you get ready for this now, so that if/when it hits, you'll think "I've got this - and I can handle it!" instead of "Uh oh." I wish you health and preparedness!
xoxo
Kristina
*Canadian Girl Scouts.
** I'm not a doctor, so don't take this in place of medical advice, but my understanding is that folks with underlying health conditions such as high blood pressure, diabetes, suppressed immune systems, etc. are at much higher risk than healthy folks; for healthy people without underlying issues the COVID-19 coronavirus isn't terribly risky. (It is, however, terribly annoying and uncomfortable and VERY inconvenient.)
Last weekend, with the news of global pandemics and coronavirus and such, I headed to the stores and stocked up on supplies. When I saw my grocery bill I felt slightly ridiculous - how could one mother and teenager eat that much food?! - but I'm not feeling so ridiculous now. Since last weekend the outbreak has spread in Seattle, and I think we're just getting started, because the numbers keep climbing and more businesses and colleges keep closing, and, well, it's a hot mess.
And I've been home with a fever and a cough...so there's that.
So, here I am, with updates from the ground! I thought it might interest my readers to know who are wondering what it's like here, who want tips to prepare, and who want to hear from someone who has been in self quarantine. So: here goes.
My health:
Two weeks ago I got sick with a fever and a cough, and I missed two days of work as a result. However, the fever went away, and I went back to work for a week. I was in touch with my doctor, and since I hadn't been overseas or known anyone diagnosed with coronavirus, I figured I just had a garden variety flu and I would get better and move on. However, this Wednesday afternoon, I was hit with a horrible headache, fatigue, and a fever and cough that came on all at once. I went home, took my temp to confirm things, and thought "uh oh." I am not sure if I had the same thing twice, or two different bugs; the symptoms were the same, but the fever went away, then came back.
This is where it gets sort of funny, if by funny I mean "annoying and concerning and we are in much worse shape than we thought."
By now we know that the COVID-19 is spreading person to person, and that there are people in my area (who live or work very near where I live or work) who have been diagnosed without any of the known risk factors of international travel or contact with a diagnosed person.
This Wednesday evening (3/4) I contacted my doctor - per the CDC guidelines - to tell them about my symptoms and request a visit and a test. They ignored my message. The next day, I called the Regence Insurance nurses' line, and talked to someone there, who said, "You need to see your healthcare provider, and while we cannot diagnose you on the phone there is a concern that your symptoms match the coronavirus symptoms" (which I already knew, because we can't avoid hearing about it on the NPR/newspapers/news outlets everywhere). So, I called my doctor's office to relay this information and the Regence recommendation, and spoke to a receptionist who promised someone would call back. Nobody did.
Until midnight, that is.
At a few minutes past midnight (Thursday morning) my phone rang, and woke me from a sound sleep. It was somebody from the UW Medical coronavirus hotline (I think. I mean, I was sick and sound alseep when she called, and the whole thing was so startling and unexpected in the middle of the night that I'm not sure I was fully coherent!) and she asked me the same questions as the nurse at the Regence line, and gave me the same information in response, and told me that she'd share my info with the CDC. She suggested that someone might even come to my house to test me, and that I'd hear from them that day.
When health authorities are working around the clock and calling patients in the literal middle of the night, you know things are bad.
On Thursday afternoon I got a call from someone associated with my doctor saying that since I was not in a high risk group, they did not have testing resources for me. I was told to stay at home for 72 hours after my fever subsided (self quarantine, which I was already doing). I pointed out that I am a public school teacher and that if I had coronavirus the recommendation was to stay home for 14 days after symptoms subsided and I did not want to jeopardize anyone's health, but if I didn't know if I had coronavirus (this could be flu, or bronchitis, etc.) I wasn't willing to stay home and not get paid (because I'd use more than my sick leave) because "maybe possibly" I had it. I was told "We know, so you can go back to work." I pointed out that I was concerned about this policy, and she sighed and said, "We just don't have the resources to do more." She was clearly concerned, and clearly had no resources to offer me.
I am starting to understand how this thing is spreading so rapidly, based on this experience.
So, folks, this leads me to conclusion number one:
The number of people being reported in the news as diagnosed with coronavirus is grossly underestimated. If I had all of the symptoms (which they agreed match to the coronavirus COVID-19) AND I teach at a public school, but they didn't want to test me, this tells me that there are a LOT of people out there just like me, and that nobody knows what the real numbers are. The midnight-nurse told me that after she spoke to me, she had 60 more phone calls to make to people just like me, and that was just one of the nurses on that line. The folks at the LifeCare facility in Kirkland who are exhibiting symptoms haven't been tested either (Google it - there are a zillion articles, and the Seattle Times is covering this epicenter of the outbreak daily). This tells me that, quite frankly, we are in some very deep doodoo. (Not the technical term, but I'm sure you follow.) If people in an outbreak can't be tested, then the numbers the government publishes about the number of cases is a gross understatement - an negligently duplicitous lie that gives the public false information. I think it's ridiculous and disgusting. You can draw your own conclusions.
Maybe I had it. Maybe I had the flu. The quarantine is different for each, but they're telling me to follow the lesser flu guidelines, despite their concerns that I have coronavirus.
And conclusion number two:
If you live in an area with confirmed cases, as so many of us do, you'd better get ready. In the last week, I've watched the city of Seattle go from buzzing slightly about the possibility of coronavirus in our area to a crazy level of changes. Major companies in the area such as Amazon, Microsoft, and others are telling people to work from home; all the local universities and colleges have switched to online only classes. Small businesses are nearly empty in many cases. Major events are being canceled: fundraisers for non-profits, school sports, and big annual events like ComiCon (100,000 people usually participate in the weekend long event) are all canceled. In Seattle, the changes we've seen in a week are extraordinary, and unprecedented in my experience. It happens very slowly....and then it happens all at once. It is time to get ready, and I recommend that you get ready NOW.
How I'm taking care of myself:
I am fine. I've clearly been sick, and it has felt lousy, but in an ordinary sickness kind of way. I've watched Netflix, napped, flipped through magazines. I've mostly stayed in my bedroom in order to avoid infecting my daughter. I've eaten a ton of satsumas, drunk gallons of tea. I've eaten avocado toast and eggs because they go down easy with little prep work. Mostly, I've lounged around feeling sorry for myself, but not feeling in any real danger despite how horrible I feel. (I look at the death numbers, but console myself with the fact that I am not elderly and do not have underlying health conditions that put me at major risk.) I cough every time I move too much or talk too much. I've obsessively been taking my temperature, which has bounced between 99-101.7 during the illness, with ibuprofen (the only med I've taken). I've been texting with friends and colleagues. My daughter has maintained some distance (smart girl); I'm lucky that she's a teenager and perfectly capable of her own self care in this situation; she's not a toddler who needs me to cater to her every need, and she's capable of cooking and feeding herself (and me sometimes).
How I'm preventing others from getting sick:
I am not leaving the house, because I do not want the guilt of infecting someone whose immune system cannot handle this. My fever subsided yesterday, so I should be able to return to work (72 hours later) on Monday. We are washing towels, dishrags, etc. almost with every use. I switched temporarily from cloth napkins (which I use for environmental reasons) to paper ones which get tossed with every use. I have Lysol wipes and I've been wiping down my computer, phone, and light switches etc. as often as possible (I'm doing so once a day, and Tessa's doing so once a day). I'm self quarantining, and following the advice given daily by the CDC and published in every newspaper.
What about pets?
Well, there was that one case of one dog in Hong Kong testing positive, so the advice is to avoid contact with pets. I explained this to my 60 pound dog Chance, and he looked at me sadly and then jumped on top of me and put his head on my shoulder. When attempted to remove him, he gave me sad eyes and refused. I lifted him off me and spoke to him sternly. I locked him outside my bedroom. He stood outside the door whimpering and barking. This is the first time I broke the CDC recommendations: I let him back in. He sleeps at the foot of my bed, his head resting on my legs, most nights. He has continued this throughout this experience, and I hope I don't regret it, but I could not make him reason with me about it. (Judge me. I can handle it!) If you have a way for pets to understand that they are no longer allowed in the bedroom, please pass along your wisdom, but as for me, I decided that when I had a headache and a fever and a cough and felt like crap, listening to my dog whimper and bark on the other side of my bedroom door for hours was not conducive to my getting better. He's stayed by my side.
So how am I?
I prepped for this last weekend, and I'm SO GLAD that I did. I have everything I need here at home to ride this out. I'm incredibly fortunate to have sick time from my employer, and good health insurance if I need it (although how I would get a doctor's appointment is another question at the moment, because they're so slammed they clearly do not want to see me). Because I was prepared, and because of my good health in general, I'm okay. Self quarantine is boring, but luckily when I feel this bad I don't want to do anything anyway (boring is all I can handle). I really did feel awful and unable to do anything but lounge around, but today I'm feeling a bit better and I even did laundry and showered and wrote this blog post. (On a normal day, that would be a slow day. After being sick, it's an accomplishment and wiped me out.) I'm clearly on the mend.
What you should do:
Well, I assume that you're a grown person who can make up their own mind about how to take care of themselves, but since you're reading this, here's my advice.
Last weekend's shopping trip felt really silly. I spent more money in a week than I usually spend in several weeks of grocery shopping, and I bought so much that it wouldn't fit in my kitchen so I have a couple bags of groceries in the closet of my guest room (my chosen location because we keep the heat turned off in that room when not in use, and because there was space). I'm not feeling ridiculous about that now, because a) I've been using those groceries this week, and b) because I'm not sure when I'm going to be able to go grocery shopping again. I'm also pretty sure that I want to spend as little time as possible in public spaces where everyone is close together and touching things, so having a fully stocked pantry is more than a little helpful! I'm feeling pretty grateful to last-weekend-me, because my experience being stuck at home is much better because of that preparedness.
It's time for you to stock up, too, and to buy more than you think you need.
So here's the stuff I bought:
- My usual fresh supplies for a week (things like broccoli, Brussels sprouts, eggs, cheese, chicken breasts, bananas, milk, etc.)
- Lots of extra pantry supplies, including rice (a five pound bag!), canned tomatoes, canned tuna, pasta (I bought a ton), marinara sauce (5 jars), canned beans, dry beans, lentils, olive oil, nuts, boxes of tomato soup, jars of pesto, dried shitake mushrooms, etc.
- make sure to have lots of spices/herbs/condiments on hand
- Extra meat and frozen veggies to fill the freezer
- Veggies and fruits that store well: potatoes, onions, acorn squash, and lots of citrus, including blood oranges, satsumas, lemons and limes, as well as apples (some of these went into rotation right away, and some of them are in the cool, dark guest room closet awaiting use)
- A little bit of "fun" food - chips and salsa, chocolate
- LOTS of cleaning supplies, including Lysol wipes, cleaning spray, laundry detergent, dish and dishwasher soap. I tried to buy hand sanitizer, but it was sold out everywhere, and since I'm at home it's better to use soap and water anyway.
- Personal items such as shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste, lotion, hand soap (we're going through it at double the rate as usual - partially because every time we blow our noses we wash, and we're just being more careful), toothpaste, etc. I also bought new toothbrushes because when the sickness passes that gross thing is going in the trash ASAP.
- My pharmacy let me pick up a 90 day supply of my prescription; insurance wouldn't let me get that much so I paid out of pocket (and fortunately, it's a very inexpensive prescription). Based on how many sick folks are at the pharmacy, the LAST place a healthy person should go is the pharmacy, so having a supply of my prescription will let me avoid that line of people coughing and sneezing and looking miserable.
- Pet supplies: grab extra bags and cans of food, and don't forget the kitty litter
- Don't forget the toilet paper! Probably the number one thing nobody should ever run out of, ever!
- Coffee and tea. I like milk in my coffee, so I picked up some shelf stable milk as well in case I run out of my fresh milk. (I cannot function without morning coffee. I made sure to have a lot in the cupboard, because after toilet paper this is the thing I most need!)
- Baking supplies (flour, sugar, etc.) in case someone in your house is healthy and enjoys baking - they double as food and entertainment
- Make sure to have ibuprofen, Tylenol, throat lozenges, and a thermometer, because trust me, the doctor is going to want to know if you have a fever. Lots of tissues, too.
- I grabbed a couple of magazines. When I'm really sick I'm bored but don't have the attention span to read full length books.
- But I always have extra books on hand!
My grocery bill was enormous last week - really ridiculous. However, none of this will go to waste; it'll all get eaten eventually. I figure that I bought most of my monthly groceries in one week, but that my monthly bill won't really change. Aside from the shelf stable milk, I didn't purchase anything I wouldn't usually eat.
Other things to do to prepare:
Clean your house. If you get sick, you are going to have NO ENERGY. At one point I got up to have a shower, made it to my bedroom door, then turned around and got back into bed, because having a shower was too hard. Trust me, you are not going to want to run laundry or vacuum if you get sick. So, if you're healthy, change your sheets, get your laundry done, clean the bathrooms. I promise you, if you get sick, you will thank yourself a million times over.
Make some meals to have on hand. Right before I got sick, I made a big pot of chili, and that food sustained us through the week.
Bring home anything you might need from work. I think a LOT of us are going to be working remotely for a while, even those who aren't sick. Don't get caught by surprise.
Don't worry too much. If you don't have underlying health concerns** then this is just a nasty bug: it hits you, you feel bad, then you get better. Because of the way it spreads, it requires self quarantine, but really, it's not worse than other things you've had before like the flu. Stop freaking out. You're going to be okay. However, it's going to be REALLY inconvenient, and it's going to change all of your plans for a while. Prepare to be flexible.
And what's ahead?
Well, I'm not an oracle, but it seems like the writing is on the wall: this thing is going to get worse before it gets better, and it's not ending anytime soon. It has shut down entire cities/regions/countries elsewhere, and it's off and running in Seattle and a few other American cities, and I think it has a while before it runs its course.
I think that all of us should prepare for a longer quarantine, even those of us who aren't sick, because things are happening fast and furious. It's time to get a good stack of books to read, to consider how to exercise without a gym, and to make a plan for life to downshift substantially for a while. When I'm healthy, I hope to take my dog for long walks/runs (but to cross the street if I see another person) and do basement yoga videos. I've been considering researching some online games I can play with my friends (game night, online style) to stay connected. I'm cleaning my office so if I'm teaching remotely on video with my students, I won't be embarrassed by clutter. I have my grading at home so that I can catch up.
And of course my pantry is full, so that when I'm healthy I don't have to go out and hang with unhealthy people. Staying healthy is the goal!
As a teacher, I've been watching the district news from my school and my daughter's school (two districts), and it seems likely that we're all preparing for extended time outside the school building, likely with online learning. I'm lucky: my daughter is pretty self sufficient so if I have to work from home she can handle herself; I'm not sure how parents of younger kids are going to manage this. If you have young kids, I feel for you. You should talk to your employer and your partner (if you're lucky enough to have one) about how to juggle work and kids. If you're an at home parent, I suggest stocking up on art supplies and games, because being stuck inside with active kids is going to be challenging, and having some new activities would be a lifesaver.
I've decided not to go out to eat until this passes. In America, restaurant workers receive notoriously low wages, and are likely to have to work even when they're ill (or they can't pay their rent). I'm not ordering take-out or delivery, and I'm not eating out for a while. I feel awful for small business owners who will suffer because of the impacts of coronavirus on their businesses, but I also think it's incredibly important to protect my health and the health of my daughter. (When this is over, we will be ready to eat out at double our regular rate, I know.)
I think a lot of us are going to be in self-quarantine as cities shut down, and we'll be trying to keep our lives going while staying inside our homes. I've never seen anything like it in my life, but now that I've had this taste of it at the beginning of the outbreak, I'm more grateful than ever that I'd prepared myself.
I'm also grateful that I'm a middle-class person with enough resources to weather this storm. I do not take it for granted, not one bit, that I have the resources that I do. I know I'm one of the lucky ones, despite being sick, despite not being able to get tested. I'm grateful for myself, and angry that our nation doesn't take better care of folks less fortunate than I am. (Maybe another post on that some day soon.)
I'll give more updates at some point, but that's it for today. I hope that wherever you are, you stay healthy, and that you get ready for this now, so that if/when it hits, you'll think "I've got this - and I can handle it!" instead of "Uh oh." I wish you health and preparedness!
xoxo
Kristina
*Canadian Girl Scouts.
** I'm not a doctor, so don't take this in place of medical advice, but my understanding is that folks with underlying health conditions such as high blood pressure, diabetes, suppressed immune systems, etc. are at much higher risk than healthy folks; for healthy people without underlying issues the COVID-19 coronavirus isn't terribly risky. (It is, however, terribly annoying and uncomfortable and VERY inconvenient.)
Tuesday, February 25, 2020
Sick Day
I am really over being sick.
Being sick is not over me.
I came down with the flu (or something like it) on Friday, and I've been down for the count since then. I'm definitely on my way to getting better - my fever broke yesterday, but it's amazing how wiped out I am.
I've been watching Gilmore Girls (for the zillionth time), and lounging in bed with my dog, who must really understand how awful I feel, because he hasn't been pestering me to play, just snuggled up against my legs. It was sort of nice for a minute or two, but I'm bored and wanting to do something, but still lacking energy.
I've been thinking about my health a lot.
I've been on Weight Watchers for three weeks, and I'm down twelve pounds. I find this is slightly extraordinary - I've hated those twelve pounds (and their friends) for a long time, felt disconnected from my body for a long time, and somehow I was able to overcome them (and this is the crazy part) with ease.
I just decided that I was over feeling the way I felt, and I decided to do something about it, and then I did. I've done Weight Watchers before (I lost 40 pounds after cancer, and kept it off for years) and so I didn't even think about it, I just signed up. And then I started following the program, tracking my food, and making simple swaps (no sour cream, use fat free Greek yogurt instead; lots of chicken breasts, not so much beef; double or triple the number of fruits and veggies I'd been eating).
And - success.
It is really extraordinary to witness the changes in my body after 12 pounds gone. My body has a different shape, in addition to the size. My clothes fit differently. But most of all? I just feel different. I can't even describe it - I just know that I feel completely different than I did three weeks ago when I started.
And I'm just getting started.
I do not know how I'd worked myself up to this high weight, but I did. Well, I do know: I put my health on the back burner, worked out only sporadically, and I ate just about everything, without the slightest consideration, and in large quantities. It was a recipe for disaster, and a disaster occurred. My cholesterol shot up, my waistline ballooned, and I felt sluggish in all ways.
But no more.
At only three weeks, I've barely started my new habits - I know I'm nowhere near the safe zone. As a matter of fact, I know that there is no safe zone. I know that when I was my goal weight and kept there for a stretch, I thought I was safe forever - but it just doesn't work like that.
This time, I'm going through this knowing that when Weight Watchers says "Lifetime" it doesn't mean I'm done and I can celebrate, it means that I get the opportunity to spend the rest of my life working on that success. Lifetime means that there are no shortcuts, and that I'm going to have to spend the rest of my life managing my health.
I have another lipid panel scheduled for May. By then, I'd love to be 15-20 pounds down from where I am now, well within my healthy BMI range, and starting to wear the size 6s that I should never have taken for granted.
***
Being sick sucks. It really does. It's not vacation, it's not fun, it's boring and irritating. The past few days have gone by in a blur: my house is still a mess, the dog isn't getting enough exercise, I miss work.
So I'm going to work really hard at making sure that I don't get sick.
I'm losing weight, lowering my cholesterol, reducing my blood pressure. If I ever crawl out of bed (tomorrow, I hope!) I will get my exercise going in earnest. I'm eating healthy food that is actually quite delicious (although it is a shift in my palate - no question, I had some really bad habits). I'm still able to have treats, just in moderation.
And I'm ready to face a whole life ahead with this new philosophy. I'm going to lose a total of 30 pounds, and I'm going to be healthy. I'm going to keep my new eating habits for a lifetime. Because I'm ready. Because I'm worth it.
And because I felt really awful before, and it wasn't worth it.
So yes, I'm sick - but I'm getting healthy. It's time.
Being sick is not over me.
I came down with the flu (or something like it) on Friday, and I've been down for the count since then. I'm definitely on my way to getting better - my fever broke yesterday, but it's amazing how wiped out I am.
I've been watching Gilmore Girls (for the zillionth time), and lounging in bed with my dog, who must really understand how awful I feel, because he hasn't been pestering me to play, just snuggled up against my legs. It was sort of nice for a minute or two, but I'm bored and wanting to do something, but still lacking energy.
I've been thinking about my health a lot.
I've been on Weight Watchers for three weeks, and I'm down twelve pounds. I find this is slightly extraordinary - I've hated those twelve pounds (and their friends) for a long time, felt disconnected from my body for a long time, and somehow I was able to overcome them (and this is the crazy part) with ease.
I just decided that I was over feeling the way I felt, and I decided to do something about it, and then I did. I've done Weight Watchers before (I lost 40 pounds after cancer, and kept it off for years) and so I didn't even think about it, I just signed up. And then I started following the program, tracking my food, and making simple swaps (no sour cream, use fat free Greek yogurt instead; lots of chicken breasts, not so much beef; double or triple the number of fruits and veggies I'd been eating).
And - success.
It is really extraordinary to witness the changes in my body after 12 pounds gone. My body has a different shape, in addition to the size. My clothes fit differently. But most of all? I just feel different. I can't even describe it - I just know that I feel completely different than I did three weeks ago when I started.
And I'm just getting started.
I do not know how I'd worked myself up to this high weight, but I did. Well, I do know: I put my health on the back burner, worked out only sporadically, and I ate just about everything, without the slightest consideration, and in large quantities. It was a recipe for disaster, and a disaster occurred. My cholesterol shot up, my waistline ballooned, and I felt sluggish in all ways.
But no more.
At only three weeks, I've barely started my new habits - I know I'm nowhere near the safe zone. As a matter of fact, I know that there is no safe zone. I know that when I was my goal weight and kept there for a stretch, I thought I was safe forever - but it just doesn't work like that.
This time, I'm going through this knowing that when Weight Watchers says "Lifetime" it doesn't mean I'm done and I can celebrate, it means that I get the opportunity to spend the rest of my life working on that success. Lifetime means that there are no shortcuts, and that I'm going to have to spend the rest of my life managing my health.
I have another lipid panel scheduled for May. By then, I'd love to be 15-20 pounds down from where I am now, well within my healthy BMI range, and starting to wear the size 6s that I should never have taken for granted.
***
Being sick sucks. It really does. It's not vacation, it's not fun, it's boring and irritating. The past few days have gone by in a blur: my house is still a mess, the dog isn't getting enough exercise, I miss work.
So I'm going to work really hard at making sure that I don't get sick.
I'm losing weight, lowering my cholesterol, reducing my blood pressure. If I ever crawl out of bed (tomorrow, I hope!) I will get my exercise going in earnest. I'm eating healthy food that is actually quite delicious (although it is a shift in my palate - no question, I had some really bad habits). I'm still able to have treats, just in moderation.
And I'm ready to face a whole life ahead with this new philosophy. I'm going to lose a total of 30 pounds, and I'm going to be healthy. I'm going to keep my new eating habits for a lifetime. Because I'm ready. Because I'm worth it.
And because I felt really awful before, and it wasn't worth it.
So yes, I'm sick - but I'm getting healthy. It's time.
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